you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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