I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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