The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
