I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
