Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
