i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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