i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
