Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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