new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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