Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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