so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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