True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
