so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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