I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
