I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is not my ceiling
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
