I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
