Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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