I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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