its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
