He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
should my penis look like a turkey
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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