Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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