he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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