dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.