I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?