Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".