you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it