She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing