bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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