doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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