Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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