I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
