he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
