she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
