Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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