I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
only you would photoshop your dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
