Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
