I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
