I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
