I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think my vagina is haunted
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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