you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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