Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
