So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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