We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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