piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
