i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize