No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
