Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
