He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
