youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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