It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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