I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
