the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
