I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
