it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
