So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
