I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
