I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
