im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
