I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
