I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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