Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
