The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if only i could text you this smell
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
