Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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