sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
