Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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