we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
