And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
